How Much is Enough?

Navigating Savings Safety in Marriage

I used to feel safe with $500 in the bank. Megan needed $15,000. It wasn’t about math—it was about safety.

That gap between our comfort levels was emotional and relational. It wasn’t just about the numbers. I wanted to invest every dollar that wasn’t spent. She needed a visible buffer to breathe. And for a while, we didn’t know how to talk about it without stepping on each other’s fears.

But over time, we learned: savings isn’t just a number. It’s a feeling.

The Emotional Currency of Savings

Money speaks the language of our fears and hopes. Savings is often its quietest dialect.

For some, a growing savings account feels like a warm blanket—proof that the world won’t collapse overnight. For others, it feels like missed opportunity, like potential left dormant. I’ve always leaned toward growth, risk, and movement. Megan leans toward stability, margin, rest.

Neither is wrong. But when you’re married, the tension between those instincts can feel like a fault line.

Financial Attachment Styles

Couples often have different financial attachment styles—ways we relate to money based on our emotional wiring:

• Secure: Confident in flow and flexibility. Trusts the process.

• Anxious: Needs visible buffers and control. Fears scarcity.

• Avoidant: Prefers not to engage deeply. Discomfort with planning.

These styles aren’t fixed, but they show up in how we budget, save, and respond to financial stress. Megan’s style is more anxious-secure. Mine is avoidant-secure. We both want peace—but we arrive there differently.

The Safety Threshold Conversation

One of the most healing things we’ve done is name our “safety number”—the amount each of us needs in savings to feel emotionally safe.

We asked each other:

• “What number helps you sleep at night?”

• “What past experience shaped that need?”

• “What would it feel like to meet in the middle?”

Her number was higher than mine. And instead of trying to convince her to lower it, I started asking: What does it cost me to honor her peace? Turns out, it costs less than the emotional toll of conflict.

Respecting the Asymmetry

Here’s the truth: one partner may always need more than the other. And that’s okay.

The goal isn’t sameness—it’s mutual dignity. I don’t need to feel the same way Megan does. I just need to care that she feels it.

So we built a model:

• Baseline Safety Savings: Her peace threshold.

• Growth Allocation: My investment appetite.

• Flex Fund: A shared space for spontaneity and compromise.

It’s not perfect. But it’s ours. And it’s built on trust.

Closing Reflection

In marriage, we budget for emotional safety. Sometimes, the most valuable investment is in each other’s peace of mind.

If you and your partner are navigating this tension, start with curiosity. Ask what safety feels like. The numbers matter, but the heart behind them matters more.